Thursday, July 14, 2005

Under the Influence

I returned from Denver last night hepped up on caffeine and fumes from jet engines. The International Christian Retail Show is still going on but I am happily at home with my family - with an awful lot to think about.

One thing I always struggle with when I go to these things is this: How could I possibly have anything to add to all of this?

"What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again,
there is nothing new under the sun". Ecclesiastes 1:9

And how true that is. Especially at CBA. There will always be parenting books and marriage books and another book about a single gal finding love where she least expects it.

What could I possible have to add to it all?

And yet in the midst of the noise of the convention, the music and the booksignings, God's still small voice in my heart was unmistakable. I was right where I belonged. It was where I was called. Just because I didn't know what that was going to look like really didn't matter. I have to keep writing. The message may not be anything new - it never is - but I've never been around to say it. God has shaped something in me that is completely unique and that is valuable all by itself. It really doesn't matter if my name is never on one of those hanger-sized posters hanging from the rafters. All that matters is that I'm faithful to the call on my heart. That I tell the stories. That I share my passion. That I point to Jesus Christ - the One who gave me the voice in the first place. I'm honored, and humbled, at the privilege to even be a part of the many voices out there today.

I did have one pretty significant problem at CBA. Yeah, well, apparently the altitude of Denver appears to be a problem for me. I was either feeling sick to my stomach, had a headache, or just acting bizarre. It reminded of my old drinking days - yes, I'll admit that I did that on frequent occasions - and that is the best way to describe it - I felt tipsy. A little light-headed and too free with my words. It was like somebody shut off my internal filter that makes me stop talking. Therefore I was saying things to random strangers and think I have blocked out what I might have said to some V.I.P (not so random strangers)while I was there.

I am embarrassed just thinking about it. I just couldn't make my brain and my mouth work together, you know? And the more I tried to explain my problem, the weirder it got. I just hope I didn't do too much damage in all my blatent honesty (which is what I tend to be when my filter-girl is on the fritz).

So in one sentence - It was the best CBA that I'd like to completely forget. Weird, huh? And if you met me there and I said bizarre things, please forgive me and chalk it up to altitude instability. I promise it was only temporary insanity!