Sunday, July 24, 2005

When friends hurt...

I almost didn't blog again today, because I suppose I was feeling a little sorry for myself but then realized that it has been more than a few days. So here I am, in all my imperfect self.

So instead of actually, you know, calling this friend and telling her that I'm hurt, I'd rather just spill my guts to countless readers on the Internet. It's just so much more anonymous that way! Please! I don't even think many of my flesh and blood friends even read this thing - but what if they did? Today is the first time I've been tempted to cross that cyber line and spill something that could actually get me in trouble in the real world.

So in the interest of maintaining the blurred line between my cyber-reality and my real reality I won't give names or even any details. Just the facts. I got hurt. Again. Been there before? Figured you had. Most of us have at one point or another. Heck, I bet I've even been the hurt-er sometimes. Trouble is, forgiving - I can do that. I know how much I've been forgiven. And I'm willing to stake money that she probably doesn't even realize what she's done. That's just the way she is. My trouble always comes in how honest should I be about the hurt? Reveal it in truth or cover in love? I never know which one to do. Mostly because instinctually I'd rather just forgive and love and never bring it up. But that's not always the healthiest thing to do. Some people are more confrontational, but I'm the opposite - I'd do practically anything to avoid a confrontation - other than flat out disobey God.

I'm just not sure what He wants me to do in this situation. Except I know I'm bad at lying.
"So how you doing Sarah?"
"What's wrong?"
"Yeah. Right."

My face is an open book. It's a blessing and a curse. So I know I'll have to say something - but how much should I say?

To be honest, I'd rather avoid the whole thing. But the fact that I'm screening my phone calls tells me I'd also rather avoid her at the moment - and I know that is not a healthy thing either.

I thought things would get easier once I got out of high school. I'm not sure relationships ever get easier to get navigate. In some ways - I think they're even harder. But I also know we need each other, and that God uses our relationships with one another to make us more like Him. Come to think of it - that's probably the really hard part:-)