Driven

Even though I'm competitive by nature, my learned response to competition has been to play with no expectation. That can be a good thing - but the Bible talks about running the race, not just to run it but to actually win the prize. I've been pondering that for the last few days.

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize? 1 Corinthians 9:24

Now Paul of course is talking about Jesus and winning people to Him as our prize in this particular verse but the principle of it reaches farther than that. Too often in my own life I have been guilty of not even entering the "race" for fear of failure. If you don't get your hopes up then you can't be disappointed. What a sad way to live. But I seriously doubt that anyone who has truly won something noteworthy did so by saying, well I'll just do what I can. They WANT that gold and they go after it with all of their might. So yes, there are often tears if they don't get it, but they wouldn't have even had a shot if they hadn't thrown themselves into the race.

It is how we are supposed to walk our lives with God too, a reckless abandon to know Him and become more like Him. But even more than that, to pursue the gifts that He's given us - not for our glory, but for His. Only He can know the true motive of our hearts, and our hearts are often far from pure, but when they are pure we should be going for it with all of our might.

I found a screenwriting contest and when I read about it, I could only think about Beka. Beka's story is a perfect match for what they are looking for, and I also think that because it's about a teenager, it's also highly marketable. I've only considered writing a screenplay for Becoming Beka in passing because I knew it would be too spiritual for Hollywood. But this contest is tailor-made and I feel compelled by God to write it - to give it a try. But the weird thing is, weird for me anyway, is that I really want to win it. I don't just want to write the screenplay and try - I want to win.

But not because I want something out of it oddly enough, it's because I know that the story is changing lives, I get letters sharing that with me, and a movie would be an awesome way to share Beka's story with even more people.

I'm not naive - I know it's going to be a tough battle - maybe the judges aren't even looking for something like Beka. It doesn't matter - I'm going to enter to win and I'll deal with the results whatever they may be. I've often been too nice in my walk, unwilling to make waves, moving aside to let others pass. Those may be good things in some ways, but it's also made me forget that God wants to train our hands for war; to let our lights shine from the top of a mountian you have to actually get to the top of the mountain. And you have to want it.

I'm not going to be ashamed of wanting it anymore. I'll do everything I can, and leave the results to Him.