Wednesday, April 19, 2006

One is silver and the other gold

I do have friends. There are people I talk with; moms who chat with me at Chick fil A while the kids are playing. I go to Bible Studies. I'm not isolated. Yet I always feel just a little frustrated with my relationships because I prefer deeper friendships than the ones I have. I long for friends with whom I am involved in their lives and they in mine. People who share their hearts freely, and allow me to share mine. People who are willing to be real, to be honest. To simply be there.

I long for close friendships.

At times I just give up, thinking that the status-quo relationships I have is all there will be. And then there are days like today that remind me that there are kindred spirits out there. Like a great marriage, great friendships, I think, are the exception.

So what kinds of relationships do you tend to have with those around you? Are they the surface kind where you simply talk about the dailies of life? Or are they deep relationships that you can count on to help you wrestle through the traps and snares, the ups and downs of life. At this point in my life, I have come to believe that deep relationships aren't really something that you can create or pursue - they either are deep or shallow from the beginning. Shallow ones - usually - don't become deeper simply with the passage of time.

I had a conversation with a dear friend today that I have known less than a year. She lives halfway across the country and we don't even get to talk to each other very regularly. But even during her short visit, it was like a refreshing dip into a deeper pool. It made me long for more.

And in some ways, I suppose, it's a reminder that here on Earth, we live in the shadows of what is to come. What we see dimly here, we will see clearly when we get to be with God. I am fairly practical - I know that I may not have the friendships I long for this side of heaven. But today, for a few hours at least, I am reminded that it is possible. And sometimes, that's all the hope we need to make it through.