Monday, March 27, 2006

When you're the cause...

I didn't have a very good day at church yesterday. I have a fairly high tolerance level for dealing with difficult people. Usually anyway. Not so yesterday. I work in my church's cafe making great drinks with lots of caffeine in them for those that ventured out early to church. I love working in the cafe. Serving there is usually a joy for me.

Well, there's been an ongoing...issue..with someone else that works there. I won't go into all the gory details but this person was around all morning yesterday, doing what they always do and by the time we closed the cafe, I melted down into a puddle of tears. My threshold for being able to handle it had been crossed. Crying is a release - so I really didn't expect the guy who runs the cafe to come over and want to know what happened. I didn't say much but since he already knew what the issue was (since everyone pretty much feels the same way) he went to this person and basically told this person to leave me alone. When my husband came and found me crying, he also went to this person and told him to stay away from me. My husband is the picture of patience and so him being brought to the point of confrontation, well, it just says a lot about what I (and others) have had to deal with.

Well, as you can imagine, the whole thing blew up. Now this person has pleny of other issues and perhaps it was really those other issues (and not the incident with me) that caused him to talk to the senior pastor for over an hour. It might have had nothing to do with me.

Yet I still feel like I provoked the incident - was a spark for the fire that suddenly flamed. I kept thinking - if only I had kept my emotions under control for a little while longer. If only I had snuck into the ladies room to cry there. Several people tried to reassure me yesterday saying that something had to be done, and that it was good that it happened. That I hadn't done anything wrong.

While that may be true, it still feels yucky when you're caught up in something you never meant to be involved with. And I've just never been comfortable with the yucky.