Thursday, May 11, 2006

Can a leopard change it's spots?

This is the question I have been wrestling with. I've always been a bit of an "indoor girl". I love to read and even then I would choose a cozy corner of my room rather than a hammock. I don't hate the outdoors, I love them when the temperature is mild and the air is fresh.

I have been struggling with exercise - and have for a number of years now. I feel like I should do it, but cannot for the life of me figure out how to want to do it. I think God created us gloriously different. We are each unique with our own quirks, our own likes and dislikes, and that is great.

When we fall in love with God, and surrender oursleves to be more like Him, we expect to undergo change for that to happen. I don't mind changing. But I wrestle sometimes when I'm not completely sure the change is about becoming more like God, or if it's about me thinking I need to become something.

I have a life-long pattern of trying to fit in - and not always succeeding at it. There is a lot of culture pressure to look a certain way, to be fit, athletic. Somehow I've gotten it in my head that I need to be more athletic.


I've never been the athletic type. I always was intrigued by the idea of sports, enjoy playing volleyball at picnics, but beyond that - I'm not very sporty. I think part of this is because I didn't start when I was young. We moved around a lot when I was a kid so we never stayed anywhere long enough for me to stick with something. Had we, maybe things would have been different.

But my basic question is this - how do you know when it is something God wants you to change, and when it's just something the world thinks you should change? Because frankly, we'll fail if we're just trying to meet some worldly expectation. And then the follow-up to that is - If you are a leopard, you're supposed to have spots. A leopard who thinks he should have stripes is just confused and will end up frustrated. (If leopards can get frustrated.) Where is the line between conformity and uniqueness? When is it okay to embrace out uniqueness and quit torturing ourselves to become something we just aren't?

Or am I just trying to get out of working out?