Thursday, October 19, 2006


I think I've been saying yes too much. I am always in danger of this when I feel like I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I then start volunteering for all sorts of things and the next thing you know, I can't even breathe because I'm so stressed out!

Why do I do this?

Well, I'm fairly self-aware of the motives behind my behavior but the real question is this: How do I stop?

I used to have some friends that knew this pattern and they made talk to them before I agreed to anything new. And I've been a VGG (very good girl) for quite a while. But this "no-contract" thing has simply gone on too long and I'm itching to feel like I'm a valuable contribution to the air I breathe (yeah, yeah, that's the heart of the issue - I still struggle to recognize that it's not what I do, but who I am that makes me valuable in the sight of God.)

So, I'm praying that God will have mercy on me and not everything I've shown interest for will actually pan out. I did agree to write an article by Mondy. But I can do that, I believe, since it's a testimony story mostly. I did agree to take over (with a friend) out church's cafe. But hopefully the bulk of the work will be up front. Once I get into a routine of doing things I think that may be okay as well. The other thing is a part-time job I applied for. We could really use the money and it's something that I think could be very valuable professionally. It also sounds like something I'd like to do. But I'm a little concerned about how many hours it will actually take me. My prayer now is that if I am supposed to do it - that God will open the door that no man can shut. And if it's not...well, I'll simply (ha!) need to trust that God will work out the financial issues.

But boy a contract would be nice!