It's been a roller coaster kind of week. There's been the truly wonderful - I got to be on Janet Parshall's America for an entire half hour last Wednesday. You can listen to it here if you are interested. This will take you to the archive page - click on Wednesday, September 21, 2005 Hour 3. The guest's name are messed up, but that's where I'm at. As I've listened to Janet for years, this was sort of like a special blessing from God. I was so nervous, but I felt the prayers of all my friends and ended up having a fabulous time. Oh, how I hope I get the chance to do it again!
Then there's the truly awful. I felt the Lord's leading in something that I committed to do. Prayed about it for a while before agreeing and then once I started I found that I hated it. I couldn't help but ask myself, Did I hear you wrong? What's going on? I cried every night out of sheer frustration and the committment still has five weeks to go. I will only make it through by the very grace of God.
But this weekend, as I've tried to catch my breath and recharge for the coming week, I wonder if perhaps my frustration is premature. Yes, while I agreed to do it in order to bless someone, maybe that was not the purpose God had intended. Perhaps God wanted me there to show me something I needed to see. And because of being there, my husband and I are now talking about making some major changes because of it.
It can be hard to switch gears when you thought something was going to go one way and it goes the other. But now that I have taken a step back, I have some new perspective. We are praying earnestly now for what to do from here and unfortunately it includes how to be honest about what I'm seeing. I don't mind being honest when the news is good, but when I have to deliver bad news, well, I'd just assume run in the opposite direction.
But it comes back to what I wrote before - looking up - seeking God and finding out what His way is. It's not always an easy road but I also am sure that when I look back on this I won't regret it - because God has used it to get my full attention on the matter. And if this is what it takes...then He can get me through the next five weeks....