Wednesday, September 20, 2006

I'm a grown-up

Every once in a while I get this little thought that amazes me.

"I'm a grown up."

I know that sounds like such a Duh! thing (and perhaps I'm the only one who feels that way) but the oddest things make me feel that way.

Sometimes it hits me when I'm out late at night.

Today I swung by my local Starbucks to grab a coffee on our first chilly day of the fall. I left with my purse on my arm and coffee in my hand and was just amazed that this was me.

Maybe it's because I don't feel all that different from when I was in high school. I'm still occasionally insecure (though over different things). I still can't play sports with any proficiency. I still wonder what I'll be when I grow up.

I am amazed that I have a husband, three kids, five books and drive carpool in my minivan. Who is this person? I think. How did I get here? Wasn't it just yesterday that I was bemoaning my lack of a date for Homecoming? Wasn't it just last week that I got caught stealing candy from the Cumberland Farms?

I know it so cliche but time just flies by. So fast in fact that my brain can't seem to keep up with the clock. Which leads to the amazement that I am old enough to have all these things. I am grateful, but occasionally perplexed that I have actually grown older. The kids I worked with in youth group are having babies of their own. People that I hung out with in college are paying private school tuition now.

It's all so strange.

So tell me - let me know I'm not crazy. Do you ever have those moments where you think, "Wow. I'm a grown up."

Monday, September 18, 2006


I don't think you can overrate revelation from God too much. It's pretty cool when he steps in while you're having a crisis and clearly shows you that you've completely gone off the deep end.

Which I had.

So what have I learned since I've been away from my computer? (Totally not my fault by the way since I'm trying to move from an old computer to a new computer - which is a lot more hassle than it sounds like.

1. Having more babies will not solve any other crisis you are currently going through. It will actually only add to your crisis. No, I'm not pregnant but I did just recover from a weekend of insanity where I thought I should just keep having babies rather than keep writing.

2. Fear sucks. Excuse the word but well, it fits. Fear can keep you paralyzed, afraid to make any decision so you wander around in small circles so you don't stray too far from the familiar.

3. Decisions are necessary. And when we don't make decisions - it is because of #2.

4. Planning isn't evil. I guess I had this funky idea that planning is a me-thing and that if I did it, I would be relying on myself rather than God. While that is possible to do - planning in conjunction with God isn't evil - it's flat out necessary. Do we think that He has a plan for our lives but no plan on how to get there? Exactly.

5. Whining about stuff doesn't do any good. Getting serious about the planning, making decisions and overcoming fear with God's help - well, those things can be great. I have no desire to enact "my" plan. I want to know God's plan. And I've decided not to be afraid of finding out what that is.

So this is all new to me, but as life with God is apt to be, it's a grand adventure all the same.

Kind of like when you're on a big roller coaster and you're having fun but you're also hoping you don't pee your pants at the same time.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Blogger is eating my posts!!!

So I spend half an hour writing a post yesterday that included links and photos and, if I may say so myself, profoundly intelligent thoughts. (Okay. That part may be an exaggeration. But seriously - what a pain. I press "post" and poof. The Blogger monster eats it.

And I have this thing about wasting time to re-do something i just did. So now you get this post instead of my musings about what it must be like to be held prisoner in a basement by some guy in Austria. Here's the story.

And the new fall season has almost begun. Well, Fox has rolled out it's new shows. My thoughts so far:

Vanished - not bad but also not great. It's kind of average in it's mystery and as a serialized drama you better hook your viewers better than that. I bet it won't make it. It only stays on my tivo till the new stuff comes out.

Standoff - love this one. I love the interaction between the two main characters. I find hostage negotiation fascinating. This one's a keeper.

Justice - I had to try this one because Daddy spy Jack Bristow is in it. I'm still a little thrown off by him smiling in it (though it's a snarky smile, not a real one) but I'm not sure Jack Bristow ever smiled on Alias so it's a little weird. I like this one. It's fast-paced, but easy to follow and the hook is that they show you at the end what really happened. Pretty cool - this is one that i think I'd watch occasionally though - I don't feel compelled, and that might hurt it's viewers...

Monday, September 04, 2006

Crikey - he's gone.

I knew my post was today so I went to bed last night with ideas rolling around in my head. Then, I woke up this morning and learned that The Crocidle Hunter himself - Steve Irwin - had died.

And that made me so sad.

Maybe it was his full-of-life personality, or the fact that he has two young kids, or that tragedy can strike in the most unexpected places. I'm not sure. But after my initial shock, I started to wonder if he knew God.

You see, in that quick, unexpected death, there probably wasn't a lot of time for much thought about eternity. Many people hardly ever consider eternity until death strikes close to home. But eternity is on the line - for everyone - even Steve Irwin.

I wonder if anyone took the time to share Jesus Christ with him.

I wonder if anyone ever talked with him about the One who created the amazing creatures he loved so much.

I wonder where he is tonight.

We can sometimes forget how much is at stake as we go about our daily lives. I call it the "urgency factor". Things like death and tragedy can make us feel more urgent about sharing the gospel with those around us. We get a big nudge that people's lives are at stake and that maybe it doesn't matter whether we are rejected for it or not. We become more willing to put our faith out there.

But we really and truly need to be willing to put our faith out there all the time. Are we talking to those around us about our faith? Are we able to give a reason for our hope?

Or are we so quiet about our faith that those around us don't even notice what we believe? If we are supposed to be salt and light, we are salt and light all the time - not just when we're feeling urgent.

I hope someone who loved God was around Steve. I hope he knew. And I pray that people of faith will speak comfort and love to his wife and children. May God surround them with His presence.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Worth Renting...

Recently I've seen two decent movis that surprised me.

Poseidon (Okay I had to look that up to spell it right. Sigh)

It was a little campy and unrealistic but frankly, what action movie isn't. And I happened to enjoy this one. It made me nervous throughout. Not everyone survives. And the effects were pretty cool. The only character I hated was Kevin Dillon's obnoxious character. Frankly, there was nothing redeeming about him and it made Kevin just look like a really bad actor. I also found out watching the little feature at the end that they filmed this movie in continuity. That means that insetad of skipping around through the story and filming the logical thing (another scene on the same set for example), they filmed this movie from beginning to end. I thought that was pretty neat. It's a great popcorn movie.

V for Vendetta

I honestly had no idea what this movie was about and I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. What fascinated me about it was this film's idea of what the future might be like. And knowing what we know will happen in the end times, it was interesting to watch a movie where a "God-fearing" man kills 100,000 people to gain power and rules over them with fear. AntiChrist anyone? Anyhow. It's a good movie. There are parts that get a little bloody and some swearing - but if you're a grown-up and you can handle that, give this one a try. It kept me up last night wanting to finish it.